BAM BAM SURFACES IN TIAJUANA... UNSHAVEN, GEEKED UP ON TEQUILLA

PORTLAND, OR (AP)

Working with trusted contacts south of the border, Veto's reporters have confirmed that Bam Bam - or at least a man closely fitting Bam Bam's description - has surfacced in Tiajuana. Unshaven and raging mad after a week long tequilla bender, he is reportedly wandering the streets in a despondent haze. Witnesses claim the American gringo is red eyed and stinking terribly of BO. "We don't think he has changed clothes or brushed his teeth in several days, and the women are starting to complain," said the owner of one well known brothel. "Even by Mexican standards," said a local official, "he is a real mess."

No one knows for sure how The Bam got to this state. Some close to him speculate that he was greatly shaken by his last meeting with Veto at Binks. The two met for a friendly lunch time match, and Veto proceeded to run off five straight racks in record time. "Veto robbed him of his dignity like a thief in the night," said one friend and witness to the aweful slaughter. "The Bam never saw it coming, and his bearings haven't been the same since."

"Well, we believe he is alive," said Veto's lead reporter, "although only barely."

Said a spokesman for the APA, "We are working diligently with the Mexican authorities to have him extradited back to the States before Monday night's big show down at Piedmont Place. We have run into some resistence, however, as they are wanting a significant amount of bribe money to make this happen."

Confirmed Coach Urquhart, "This is true, we are currently in negotiations with the Mexican government over Bam Bam's worth. Sadly, they are demanding more money than we currently have on hand in our scratch jar."

When asked how much money they have on hand in their scratch jar, Urquhart dodged the question, saying only that "I was hung over and thirsty, and I needed coffee and breakfast. And two bloody mary's. And cigarettes. What can I say, get of my damn back about it already!"