FURIOUS GEORGE CHARGES THROUGH FIRST ROUND OF PLAYOFFS

FURIOUS GEORGE CHARGES THROUGH FIRST ROUND OF PLAYOFFS WITH MASTERFUL PLAY.... CREEPY, URQUHART AND WILLIE LEAD THE CHARGE... TRI CUP BIRTH WITHIN REACH!

Portland, OR (AP)

Furious George vs. The Post. The match up is a rivalry enough on any given Monday. Add playoff intensity and the win-or-go-home stakes, and it suddenly becomes one of the greatest rivalries in all sports. The Cowboys and the Redskins? Not even close. Celtics and the Lakers? While tasty, still a far cry. Yankees and the Red Sox? Fuh-get about it! Monday night at Binks saw the most exciting sporting event since the Thrilla In Manilla, hands down! Said ESPN radio talk show host Dan Patrick, 'It made the Giants 4th quarter, come from behind Super Bowl victory against the undefeated Patriots look like a girl scout cookie sale. Holy jumpin' Jesus, my adrenal ine is still pumping, my mouth is still dry, and my pits are still sweaty!'

Let us cut right to the details. First up was a clearly under-ranked Creepy White. He quickly and swiftly swept another four, making it look easy as only Creepywhite can do. With his dreams of playoff glory crushed, his helpless opponent sank back into his plastic patio chair. He looked dejected and humiliated as his teammates offered half hearted hugs and empty words of encouragement. Said a spokesman for the APA, 'After Creepywhite's match last night, we have received several complaints about possible sandbagging. Let me be clear: while we agree that his ranking is grossly inaccurate, we currently do not have enough proof to convict the team of sandbagging. But the investigation is ongoing and, as always, any opportunity to nail Urquhart for league infractions will be thoroughly pursued. Rest assured, no stone will be left unturned in this inquiry.'

Next up was Veto. Coming into the night riding a six match winning streak, Veto may have been a little too loose, perhaps even a bit overconfident. He figured he would just pocket a bunch of balls and find a way to win for his team, as he had been able to do in the previous weeks. Unfortunately, Robert had other plans. Playing the dreaded cluster break strategy time and time again - where one breaks very softly, leaving a massive cluster where the rack once sat - Robert's strategy to draw out the games and force Veto into a defensive drudge match paid off nicely for him. The matches were close and several games saw Veto jump out to big early leads, but in the end he simply gave Robert one too many opportunities to take him down. The cluster break strategy, which originated on the south side of Chicago during the Great Depression, is rarely seen in these parts of countr y and clearly was a problem for Veto all night long. 'I gotta tip my hat to the old timer,' said a humble Veto afterwards. 'Robert had my number tonight. It was a close match and I had my opportunities, but in the end it was just not meant to be. I'm grateful to the boys for picking me up.'

Next up was Urquhart. Sitting on a 1-1 tie and knowing that the Post's dreaded seven awaited on deck, the stakes in his match could not have been higher. Needing to win three before Miles won two, Urquhart jumped out to an early 2-1 lead. Then came heartbreak. After Veto coached him through a brilliant defensive play that led to ball in hand ('It was the only good timeout he's ever called, EVER' admitted Urquhart afterwards), our hero orchestrated a beautiful 5 ball run. His position play was perfect on ever ball except for the eight, where he left himself a long, gut-testing bank. But Urquhart was not t o be denied. With the poise of a champion and the eye of an eagle, he lined up the bank and executed it perfectly! The eight ball dove into the corner pocket and the home crowd erupted in deafening applause!

Sadly, the celebration was short lived. As if the terrible ending was stolen from a Greek tragedy, the boys watched in horror as the cue ball slowly slid into the opposite corner pocket for a scratch. 'It was fantastic run out indeed,' commented Veto afterwards. 'Unfortunately the slickness of the new felt just jumped up and bit us on that one.' This led to a hill-hill showdown. Urquhart quickly put the heartbreak of the previous game out of his mind and brought his focus back to the present moment, as all great athletes do. 'I thought that scratch may have shattered his resolve,' admitted Miles afterwards, 'but sadly I was wrong. Urquhart showed the heart of a champion in that final game.' He then paused, wiping back a tear and choking back a throat full of sour defeat. 'It wouldn't have been so bad if he hadn't taunted me with his Cubs hat like that,' continued the die hard Cardinals fan. 'Damnit... I need a stiff drink.'

Once again the crowd erupted in applause and his teammates circled around their fearless leader in praise and adoration. Rarely had their historic bar seen such a dramatic and historic moment. Time stood still. A crowd of people had gathered on the streets, and the buzz of excitement was palpable. They, too, exploded when Urquhart put the final eight ball down. 'You could have cut the tension with a knife,' said one clearly drunken fan, 'but when Urquhart sank that final eight ball, it was like pandamonium out here!'

Next up was Willie. Showing up out of the blue with rolled up jeans a nd a black fanny pack, the boys did not know what to make of their long lost teammate. But Willie proved to have more than just cigarettes and car keys in that fanny pack. He had some big-time game packed away in there as well. Paired against a seemingly unbeatable seven, Willie charged out of the gates strong, sending a clear message that he would not roll over without a fight.

The tension grew amongst the crowd. Somewhere, in the distance, a beer bottle shattered on the ground. Willie, however, barely heard a sound. He focused on the job at hand and never allowed himself to be shaken. Taking his opponent to a hill-hill match, he entered what athletes call 'the zone', going on a masterful runout and leaving his opponent with five balls left on the table. Once again the capacity crowd erupted! Willie had shocked the sporting world, putting a masterful finishing touch on the team's first round playoff win. David had essentially sleighed Goliath and victory was assured for Furious George.

With their great comeback session still in tact and the Banks mojo clearly on their side, they anxiously await the final round of the playoffs next week. 'Tri Cup or bust,' said Bam Bam once again, 'Tri Cup or bust.'

Late into the night sweat continued to drip from the hallowed walls of the Banks pool room. The bartenders smiled as they swept up the broken glass and spit from the floors. 'There was a bit of magic in here tonight,' said a smiling, blissfully happy Sydney afterwards. 'I almost don't want to go home.'

Fortunately for the fans, bartenders, and players alike, Binks will see another round of playoff action next week. 'What could be sweeter,' commented Captain Urquhart during his Tuesday morning press conference , 'than the opportunity to come back here and do it again next week.'