FURIOUS GEORGE ROLLS TO VICTORY AT U&I

FURIOUS GEORGE ROLLS TO VICTORY AT U&I... CREEPY WHITE OUTSHINES URQUHUART IN COACHING DEBUT... VETO OFFICIALLY MAKES WILLIE HIS BITCH

Portland, OR (AP)

With solid wins from Veto, Willie, Bam Bam and Creepy, Furious George rolled to a 4-1 victory over the undercoached team from U&I Tavern last night. Said U&I's dejected coach afterwards, "Wow, the guys from Binks were like a different team last night. I guess I was expecting that other coach. You know, the old drunk guy who kind of reminds us of Walter Matthau from the Bad News Bears. All of the sudden they have this new guy coaching, and its like going from Coach Buttermaker and The Bad News Bears to Vince Lombardi and the '61 Packers. We had very little at all tonight..."

On the heels of a very impressive coaching debut from Creepy White, some within the billiards community are predicting that a coup d'etat may soon take place within the upper ranks of the Binks team. "Its almost like there is a revolution brewing," said one insider who wished to remain anonymous. "Oh snap!" summarized another, "I think Urquhart just got served!"

In a related story, Veto officially made Willie his bitch last night. What started out as a friendly pick up game on the side table soon turned into utter humiliation for Black Beard Ryder. After taunting Veto with his usual brand of nonsensical smack talk - including multiple references to Veto being his "bitch" - Veto handily whooped the overconfident man-child three consecutive times, with each run out to victory more impressive than the last. "I tried to warn him that his Jedi mind tricks would not work on me," said an unsurprised Veto afterwards, "but unfortunately he just didn't want to listen."

Confirmed Chewy Webb, who was witness to the impressive beat down: "Yup, its true alright. Willie felt the the firm backside of Veto's pimp hand last night. If Veto ever asks you to say hi to his bitch for him, you'll know who he's talking about."