VETO QUITS POST AS TEAM JOURNALIST

VETO QUITS POST AS TEAM JOURNALIST, CLAIMS HE HAS WRITTEN HIS LAST AP WIRE REPORT

Portland, OR (AP)

Claiming that his biting form of satire is becoming too much for Urquhart's fragile psyche to handle, Veto surprised the team (or at least the two people who actually read his articles) and decided to call an end to his budding journalism career. 'While I enjoy writing the AP wire reports - particularly the parts about my arch nemesis Urquhart - I am here today to announce that I have written my last article,' he said at a press conference on Tuesday afternoon. 'It is for the good of the team', Veto continued, adding that he has 'upset the bear, and I have learned from experience that you should never... ever... poke the bear! So, long story short, I'm going to bow out, lay low, trade in my pen for something less controversial and divisive.' When asked what he intends to do with the time that he used to spend writing on Tuesday mornings, Veto got emotional and fought back tears for the first time. 'I don't know', he replied sadly, 'my job I guess.'