Alas, the curtain has finally come down on the
NOPO division's fall session. Now that it is over, let the debate rage and history cast the final verdict: for Furious George, was it a tragedy or a comedy?
Coming into the last night of the session, Furious George found themselves riding a four game losing streak. Their playoff hopes had long since been squashed. Was the session tragic? On some nights, painfully so. Was it funny? Quite possibly hysterical, depending on your vantage point. Only one thing is known for sure, the session was a mess.
Bam Bam mentally checked out to raise his goats; Chewy disappeared due to lack of funds, and could not even be lured back with bribes of free beer, or herbal remedies;
Waylund still could not get any flexibility from those hideous grocery
store pit bosses who control his schedule; Veto was frequently absent, yet still remained a sharp, constant, nagging thorn in Urquhart's side; Willie couldn't drink enough beer to mask the pain of it all;
Mixa couldn't shed enough tears; and Creepy still just continued to annoy his captain to no end. Indeed, the session was almost too much for Urquhart to bear. The fearless leader retreated to Europe in the middle of it all, hoping to find some peace and solitude. One could argue that he never really returned.
Hoping to finish off the session with a win - and end their horrible losing streak - Furious George started the night with a unified, loose mindset. And then the match started, and it opened with horror and disappointment. Blackbeard was sent out against a six, and lost in a sweep. "Arrrr!" he cried afterwards, shaking his fist and spitting through his teeth, "ye filthy swashbucklers will pay for this in blood and treasure, er my name is not Blackbeard Willie Ryder!! Arrrr!!"
Though his ranking has gone up to a five and he has been playing solid pool all
session, things just didn't go Blackbeard's way on this night. Sometimes, unfortunately, that is just the way it goes. But the firey pirate did not hang his head and sulk. He remained resolute, diving into pint of beer after pint of beer and cheering on his teammates for the next three matches; until the tap ran dry and his final cigarette burned down to the charred black skin on his nubby little fingertips.
Bam Bam played second. His opponent was a senior with
beautiful, sagging breasts and an ass the size of an Excursion. He fought hard to avoid these powerful distractions, but it wasn't easy. The
Bam, after all, is only human. His teammates counseled him, trying desperately to keep him
focused on the table. He hid in the corner between shots, talking about bank shots, and goat milk. In the end, The
Bam maintained just enough of his composure to rattle in the final eight ball and secure the win.
Tied 1-1,
Mixa too was paired against an aging blue hair. The first game lingered on for hours, and her dastardly old opponent outlasted her for the win. But she was not to be rattled. Finally feeling warmed up, she stormed back and won the next two games, sinking a long, beautiful cut shot on the eight ball for the win.
Mixa ended her session on an impressive two game winning streak.
Furious George 2, The Mouse Trap 1.
After a heated debate with Urquhart, Veto finally got the okay to play next. Before long, however, he was wishing he hadn't. Paired against another six, he quickly fell behind 0-4 in the race to 5. His head was nowhere to be found; his confidence lay dead on the ground like a steaming pile of road kill. But Veto refused to give in without a fight. He mounted a brilliant comeback, winning the next 4 games and picking up a break-and-run patch along the way.
The momentum had swung like a
pendulum, and Veto felt poised to finish with a win. The hill-hill match was a
barn burner, and it came down to several innings of flawless defensive play in the end. Finally, Veto broke the stalemate by sinking a
beautiful kick shot on the seven ball and leaving himself a bank on the eight. He eyed the angle carefully, and chalked his cue for several minutes. "At some point," he thought to himself, "you just gotta go for it." So he did. Sadly, however, it was not meant to be. He missed the bank high on the rail and the eight ball trickled - slowly and painfully - into the opposite corner pocket for the loss.
"That wasn't how it was supposed to end," said his exhausted opponent as they shook hands afterwards. Each had lost massive clumps of hair during the match, and big black bags hung below their eyes. Veto had battled back valiantly, but could not overcome the huge hole he had dug himself early.
The Georges and The Mouse Trap were now tied, 2-2.
As Urquhart screwed his cue together, the room immediately emptied out. Creepy and Willie slipped out like a pair
thieves in the night.
Bam Bam had long since disappeared. Veto hung around for the first game, but could not extend his curfew past eleven.
Mixa had a strapping man waiting for her at home. The candles were lit and he lay waiting in his leopard print thong. She, too, had to say goodbye.
The Captain was left all alone. Sensing his vulnerability, the beasts from The Mouse Trap hovered like a pack of hungry dingos over a helpless baby, poised and anxious for the kill. Urquhart's hands shook, and beads of sweat began to drip from the thin, wirey strands of hair that are left on his head. Some witnesses claimed that his eyes grew red and watery, and a few even claimed to have seen tears. "There was an
awful stench in the room," one woman confirmed. "It smelled kind of like fear, and stale urine."
Like a wounded animal cowering and fearing for his life, Urquhart did the only thing he knew how to do: missed shots. Lots and lots of shots. And while it may have looked bad to the untrained eye, I can assure you it was all part of his carefully crafted strategy: to steal the momentum - slowly and surely - by dragging out the games and sucking the energy from the room, like helium from a
balloon. His plan worked to perfection, and he turned the short 3-3 race into an unthinkable 52 innings marathon. As the clock struck 2am, Urquhart had finally outlasted the zombies and cinched the win.
Furious George 3, The Mouse Trap 2.
The Captain - alone and
forsaken - had done the impossible. He had sealed the win against all odds, and broken the team's horrific losing streak. "Even without the rest of those rat bastards around to cheer me on," Urquhat said afterwards, "I still managed to hold onto one thing: my pride. Pride for my game, pride for my bar, and most importantly, pride for my team. I wanted to break the curse and end the session with a win, and I did that. Even though I was all alone and so,
soooo scared."
"Next session is a new day, a fresh slate, a new act," commented Veto during a
Wednesday morning phone interview. "It was a tough session, sure, but we know two things for sure right now: one, we're a humble team. And two, we're a hungry team. This, I believe, is a dangerous combination. So to all the fans who have lost hope and abandoned the Furious George ship, I say this: stick around for next session, things are about to get
interesting again."
